Cuts and Bruises (Covert Injury)

Written as a Facebook Note, June 6, 2013.

I heard her once say that she could not afford to leave because it felt so right. And then I begged the question “What is so right” about a situation already gone wrong? She explained ..

I have a place to stay. I don’t want for anything. I receive personal appeasements on a regular. Our arguments are few and far between. He treats me great at times, although I am one of many others. We’ve dated for quite a while, so starting over may be difficult. I am completely in love, and he knows this.”

Image result for tolerance of disrespect

My response: “My friend, you have a lot going on. Although I am not one to give advice, I will say that we all have a threshold of tolerance. And until you meet that intuitive feeling that tells you ‘You cannot continue on the path of self-unworthiness, poor-self esteem, and self-blame,’ you will continue to get what you have always received (and rightly so) – nothing.”

 

Your turn. Art & Beauty of Vulnerability

If you have not heard of Dr. Brené Brown, let this be a formal introduction to her work.

This article is about how our ‘messy flesh’ is worthy of embracing. If you have followed my previous posts, there is one specifically that hits a home run with vulnerability where I aired all of my personal laundry for public consumption, realizing that how I may be viewed and perceived by others could completely change the way you see me today thereby altering the relationships I have with each person who perceives me as having it altogether. Writing that single post was my complete moment of vulnerability because after its release I felt free of bondage and that dark cloud of 30 years was lifted.

As I wrote about that painstaking article, titled Sharing my Personal Scar, God held my hand through every keystroke, wiped my tears through each memory, whispered in my ear that all would be okay and shook me back to reality, assuring me that He forgives me regardless. I had to write about my younger years to release myself from the hurt and pain that I held for way too long – so long that I was threatened by a few who would go public about my intimate experience. Hence, I was fearful not so much that the story would be narrated by another, but more so because I knew of its accuracy of events and the emotions were mine to release – no one else’s.

Image result for act of vulnerability, brene brownSo back to Dr. Brené Brown, who is a scholar, researcher, author, public speaker and eloquent researcher of story-telling, among many titles – the core of her principles are hinted at letting go of what may hold us back so that we can ultimately be loved and accepted for who we really are and can be, beyond our masked self. So what does that mean? Let me put this in context. In my younger years I so wanted to be accepted by others that I would go along to get along because I feared that I would lose friends if I didn’t conform. Candidly, complying to fit in was not the issue at all nor did anyone demand as such; yet, in hindsight, I was reserved to reveal my true self: flawed, oddly different, insecure, immature, inexperienced and the list continues that hanging with friends who were anything but would exclude me from the crowd.

Conversely, it’s been nearly 11 months now since I published that article and today I couldn’t be happier in my skin because all of my skeletons are out in the open for anyone to see. My message? If I, who was undeserving of forgiveness (i.e. a thought I convinced myself of for many years), yet asked God and finally forgave myself and was thus forgiven – Why not you? Why are you incapable of not only forgiving yourself, but the flaws of others?

Do you really know what being vulnerable requires? Do you believe you can feel liberated from the flawed self that no one else knows about, aside from you – if you only, if you really understood and trust that it is your ability to profess your mistakes, admit your transgressions and realize your misgivings, then (and only then) you have fully exercised the art of vulnerability! Make the commitment today and don’t be reluctant to seek assistance along the way. I sought professional counsel and still ask for guidance from those who believe in me, despite. So it is now your turn.

I am forgiven because of HIM, My God!

My reciprocated partner

Happy Valentine Day!

On a day like today, i.e. the romantic-commercial holiday of exchanging and expressing love gestures to signify the appreciation we have for our partners and loved ones, don’t forget to keep the flame burning in your relationship. Whether you’ve found it already, still looking for that desirable match or are choosing to love on self because you need more ‘me’ time, be mindful of the gesture instead of its monetary gain or the public notoriety of receiving. Last year I wrote an article, titled Flowers and Chocolate where the giver of my gift was acknowledged for the Gesture of giving. I was grateful because the sender lifted my spirits insomuch the deliverance of joy was received at a time in my life when there were more downs than ups. Hence, his gesture of buying and ordering the deliverance of flowers and chocolate dispelled all self negativity.

Hence, today is unlike that day and now is a different situation because I am no longer in a committed relationship. I have thereby graduated to a stage in my life where the gesture of receiving is less valued than the act of giving. I will continue to usher more importance to the reciprocated practices of my very own Valentine who quickly forgives me when I make parental mistakes, compliments me when I feel low, lifts me when I am exhausted, reads to me when I need to hear an inspiring story and values our conversations during the slow-dance lessons on days when I will grab her hand to share the significance of ‘loving on self’ and why so. This person is my ultimate gift, my protege, my forever love, my darling, my Sweetheart, my shoulder when I am tired, my napkin when I weep and my partner who will sit across from me to work on her assignments when I also have work to do. She is my daughter and today is my day to make sure she continues to understand the essence of love, the act of giving and the significance of ‘marry to date’ so that flames in her future relationships are fueled with passion and substance.

Mommy and daughter

Enjoy your V-Day!

 

 

Become a Better You

Written as a Facebook Note, October 29, 2011.

Hard to LoveAssociations, i.e. friendships, relationships, and acquaintances are usually developed from individual comfort levels from within. For instance, two people meeting for the first time who share a mutual understanding about an issue will likely grow closer to one another because of common knowledge or experience. To the contrary, if there is a reservation between two people, meeting for the first time, it will likely result in no further conversations beyond the point of the initial encounter.

So I argue that the duration or severance of relations is stemmed from how one is perceived and accepted in the company of others. Therefore, I would encourage an assessment of your relations and determine if your life is improving or regressing. And from this evaluation, make some changes to become and be a better you.

You owe it to yourself!

Cheers –

 

Oh. How I wonder.

Written as a Facebook Note, March 8, 2012.

Each time I see her, the picture is the same.

I am told all the time to look in a different direction, but nothing changes.

Sometimes I see grey, black, brown, and clear, but never anything worth staring at.

cropped-upclose_sisterlocs.jpgOccasionally the surface is rocky, leveled, paved, and sometimes shallow.

The echo in my head keeps telling me that the glass will always be half empty.

However, I remember what my mother tells me repeatedly – your posture tells the story.

Yet, each time I change my posture, I revert back to my ole ways.

I begin to reflect on how time is clicking away, and I cannot seem to reflect on what I just accomplished.

My lack of concentration is due to overwhelming distractions and the hastily interference that is abrupt.

Anything to steer my focus away from what I could have accomplished some time ago.

But something keeps bringing me back to full circle.

Uh oh, I hear the echo in my head again.

But it is not until I trip that I begin to realize that things are clearer if I ONLY hold my head up.

Signed – the Inner Self,

I may become Distant, but never Separate

Written as a Facebook Note, August 29, 2011. 

Although I am covert, I require tender care. Don’t beat me up because it may result in self-harm. I make you feel good when others may choose otherwise. I require attention so treat me gently. I realize that I have peers that live in other people, but you and I are unique.

I give you confidence when you are engaged in self-doubt. I serve as emotions at times when you cry. I may not come naturally, so be receptive to feedback. I may become distant from you, but we will never separate! Who am I?  I am your self-esteem and I love you unconditionally.

Walking alongside the beach_me_2

Note: This was originally written in fond memories of a dear-teenage friend, who was experiencing personal struggles. Today I am happy to report that she is getting her life back on track.

Cheers,