Category: forgiveness

The Stakes Are Too High

The Summer of 2019 arrived and I was set on sending my manuscript to the publisher, but I found myself full of doubt about what would become of her image, his image, our image to those of whom we knew personally. Did I cultivate enough, did I give opportunities for told truths, was I acting in haste because we are so differently made? Further questions about rushing to become an author at the risk of losing all that matters consumed me. I recall thinking that recanting printed thoughts from the reader’s point of view would be unapologetic and callous; hence, I clearly knew the stakes were too high to publish a book at the risk of possibly condemning loved ones.

Expecting precise facts at certain times in particular places of my life was a tall order to request from the woman who was marketing my book to the community without clear knowledge of her own practices. That was the epitome of my decision to no longer author, yet continue to blog. I finally understood how her inability to connect with me correlates with our inability to connect with one another because of the systemic practices from our fore-mothers.

WeSeeWhatWeWantFurther, it was over a chat in the chair when we both wondered about our lives in between the dashes when the second confirmation arrived. That one glance when he turned his face and looked me in the eye changed the course of events. It wasn’t what he said, but rather what he didn’t say – his whole demeanor changed insomuch I felt a sense of peace about what is now. The cadence of language consumed our space and gave me the peace I had been seeking for several years, which is to share space with them both wherever they are, however they are and whenever I can.

The trivial things I once gave focus will no longer consume me.

So, will I eventually become an author of a book you ask? I will continue to write and tell a collection of my stories, but only when guided by my heart and mind to make a difference to all I am loved by and to whom I love. Thank you for your unwavering support and regular encouragement. Good Vibes Only!

Xo – Blossom,

Cuts and Bruises (Covert Injury)

Written as a Facebook Note, June 6, 2013.

I heard her once say that she could not afford to leave because it felt so right. And then I begged the question “What is so right” about a situation already gone wrong? She explained ..

I have a place to stay. I don’t want for anything. I receive personal appeasements on a regular. Our arguments are few and far between. He treats me great at times, although I am one of many others. We’ve dated for quite a while, so starting over may be difficult. I am completely in love, and he knows this.”

Image result for tolerance of disrespect

My response: “My friend, you have a lot going on. Although I am not one to give advice, I will say that we all have a threshold of tolerance. And until you meet that intuitive feeling that tells you ‘You cannot continue on the path of self-unworthiness, poor-self esteem, and self-blame,’ you will continue to get what you have always received (and rightly so) – nothing.”

 

Your turn. Art & Beauty of Vulnerability

If you have not heard of Dr. Brené Brown, let this be a formal introduction to her work.

This article is about how our ‘messy flesh’ is worthy of embracing. If you have followed my previous posts, there is one specifically that hits a home run with vulnerability where I aired all of my personal laundry for public consumption, realizing that how I may be viewed and perceived by others could completely change the way you see me today thereby altering the relationships I have with each person who perceives me as having it altogether. Writing that single post was my complete moment of vulnerability because after its release I felt free of bondage and that dark cloud of 30 years was lifted.

As I wrote about that painstaking article, titled Sharing my Personal Scar, God held my hand through every keystroke, wiped my tears through each memory, whispered in my ear that all would be okay and shook me back to reality, assuring me that He forgives me regardless. I had to write about my younger years to release myself from the hurt and pain that I held for way too long – so long that I was threatened by a few who would go public about my intimate experience. Hence, I was fearful not so much that the story would be narrated by another, but more so because I knew of its accuracy of events and the emotions were mine to release – no one else’s.

Image result for act of vulnerability, brene brownSo back to Dr. Brené Brown, who is a scholar, researcher, author, public speaker and eloquent researcher of story-telling, among many titles – the core of her principles are hinted at letting go of what may hold us back so that we can ultimately be loved and accepted for who we really are and can be, beyond our masked self. So what does that mean? Let me put this in context. In my younger years I so wanted to be accepted by others that I would go along to get along because I feared that I would lose friends if I didn’t conform. Candidly, complying to fit in was not the issue at all nor did anyone demand as such; yet, in hindsight, I was reserved to reveal my true self: flawed, oddly different, insecure, immature, inexperienced and the list continues that hanging with friends who were anything but would exclude me from the crowd.

Conversely, it’s been nearly 11 months now since I published that article and today I couldn’t be happier in my skin because all of my skeletons are out in the open for anyone to see. My message? If I, who was undeserving of forgiveness (i.e. a thought I convinced myself of for many years), yet asked God and finally forgave myself and was thus forgiven – Why not you? Why are you incapable of not only forgiving yourself, but the flaws of others?

Do you really know what being vulnerable requires? Do you believe you can feel liberated from the flawed self that no one else knows about, aside from you – if you only, if you really understood and trust that it is your ability to profess your mistakes, admit your transgressions and realize your misgivings, then (and only then) you have fully exercised the art of vulnerability! Make the commitment today and don’t be reluctant to seek assistance along the way. I sought professional counsel and still ask for guidance from those who believe in me, despite. So it is now your turn.

I am forgiven because of HIM, My God!

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